I'm not deleting my xanga or anything...

but I'm basically leaving it for someone else:

http://ytupaltatambien.blogspot.com

Because I’m movin’ to Chile!

I know you know. I just...wanted to remind you.

Okay.

Bye!

Hey, adorable girl with cute glasses and flowered coat. - m4w (Brown Line north from the loop )

The Ballad of a Graduating Mari

I am so sleepy!

Why do I think it's a great idea to take a walk when I'm sleepy?

I needed to clear my mind a little. Thank goodness, because Lauryn Hill spoke to me while I was walking. She told me through song via my iPod Shuffle that I may have wisdom and knowledge on earth but if I'm without love then what is it worth. And also that I could have faith to make mountains fall but if I'm without love then I have nothing at all. Perhaps she was not the first to make these remarks but thank you to Lauryn Hill just the same.

This week I will be moving into an apartment with 2 girls and a boy, in a big light apartment with a YELLOW living room of all the fantastic things. You should get a load of these people. They are so remarkable that I don't even know where to begin.
1.One of them is the funniest person in Chicago. These things will just come out of her mouth and I will laugh about them weeks later with the same gusto I did upon first deadpan utterance. She has beautiful eyes and she has so many stories about Spain and Poland you would not even believe it. She seems happy to have me live with her and that makes me happy.
2. One of them used to make jeans for $50 a week. But he wanted to build his mom a house, so he broke the law to move here. Now he sends money back to his mom and the house is being built and it is really beautiful. Some day I plan to go there and drink wine on the patio and watch the mountains for a while. I have this all planned out, and it's very serious. Anyway, this guy can dance like nobody's business and he can also draw REALLY good koi fish.
3. Then the other one accepts me just as I am. She is one of the most generous people I know--so generous with her time, care, money, emails, and merlot. She doesn't act like I ever need to change, but inspires and encourages me to be more curious and more kind and more attentive and better at dancing and more knowledgeable about wine families. When I'm with her I feel very loved.

Then in July I will be moving to Chile. I will be teaching English at a language institute. I have a lot of ethical issues with this particular occupation. I don't know how I feel about going to the most economically-stable country in Latin America to teach English. I don't know how I feel about teaching English in general, as it is usually taught for economic growth. I don't know how I feel about learning languages for economic growth because I am learning Spanish to teach in Chile which will be my own economic growth...but then again I want to go to learn Spanish to be able to connect to people here. So I'm basically having some huge things to think about before I go to sleep.

The good news is, I feel very right about going to Chile. I am excited to move to a place with mountains. I'm not bashing the midwest. I am simply saying that I really, really love mountains. I think the Spanish language is very beautiful and I'm excited to learn it. I'm excited to learn a new city, and a new people.

North Park is a very difficult place to leave. There is such a focus on community, but then we leave it. What gives?

Community can be really difficult here. Very often, instead of supporting each other in our most difficult times, we gossip about each other. Instead of encouraging our friends in their passions, proclivities, and talents, we often speak poorly of entire groups of people, like entire groups of a certain major. It is hard to live in community. All of us need a hella lotta mercy.

There are really special things about our community too. Ultimately I have seen great care among our friends, and a lot of encouragement from each other to make things/ourselves/the world better. That is something I have really loved to watch. We all seem like we're actively seeking. That is another thing that is pretty special.

I don't know really what to do with this week. I'm not sure how to say goodbye to people and I don't know how to fill my time. I've been spending it a lot with the same people; I think that might be an indicator of whom my closest friends are. I keep forgetting about things like finals and homework, and the weather is strange. Probably the strangest thing about this week is in fact how normal it actually feels.

I have a new email address: mariauciel[at]gmail[dot]com. I figure I'm still young enough for a novelty email address. "Au ciel" means "to the sky," "to heaven." In the last four years--maybe last 21--I have concluded again and again that heaven must be my true home, because there is too much world for any one place to be my home. I feel belonging in a lot of places, but I don't feel as though any one place has enough world in it for me. When I'm in Chicago, I want to be in Guatemala; when I'm in Seattle, I want New York; when I'm in Western Europe, I think of Russia; and I'm already dreaming about Africa next after South America. The sky seems like the best place for me, ultimately.

I have another blog and you can have the address if you want. I'm never too good for xanga, but the things I write here are very different than the things I write on the other one, and I'm thinking that I like the other one better. In Chile I will have an entirely different Chile blog. I've already thought of the name for it and I'm really proud. And I have another blog about men's fashion that I will update more this summer. I am getting to be pretty blogtastic. I feel good about this.

Let's see. Anything else you need to know? Probably not. I'm thinking of either cutting my hair shortshortshort or shaving it. I no longer feel any need to grow it out. Hm. You didn't need to know that. Ummm....my mom's coming and I'm really really excited about that. She's so awesome; maybe you can meet her. Oh, and you definitely need to know that Thai Oscar makes you order more than just one pad thai if you want it delivered. Don't make my mistake and totally get your hopes up, only to have them crash down 30 minutes since you've started anticipating wonderful tofu/noodle goodness at your fingertips in the form of a phone call regretting to inform you that they cancelled your order. That can really put a damper on your night!

Thank you friends for your friendship and your selves and I hope that you are feeling inspired to go onto the next.

Oh Lordy.

Oh LORDY.

Lordy Lordy Lordy.

Dear Fernando, Hello, how's Santiago?

My my.

There is a lot more life to live!

Even when it seems like there will be a lot of crying involved.

It's always worth it when you know that Mt. Kilimanjaro exists.

It just SEEMS like life isn't as beautiful as it actually is sometimes. Because lots of crazy things get in the way.

But not to worry.

There are more important things going on this week than my desire to see giraffes.

If what's important to me isn't important to you, is it still important?

And for that matter, vice versa?

Hmmmm.

Today I had some really really good pasta before going to the doctor. I am so thankful for the pasta or I would have had an otherwise sort of ridiculous day. Maybe even a "horrible" day, but in the way that you could write a moderately-humorous mid-90s sitcom episode about it.

The other day I went into a small store to look around. I thought I should buy something or otherwise it would look like I was shoplifting (an insecurity of mine), so I bought some stickers. I thought they'd be 50 cents. They were $9; I kid you not. So if you want a cool sticker of the Guatemalan flag, I have like 10 of them left. I think they reflect so you can put them on your car or backpack.

My roommate's boyfriend has the exact same music taste as my freshman year roommate. Go figure. Tonight he showed me how to make my umbrella look like a taser gun to scare off potential murderers on Kedzie. He is very concerned for the girls of North Park as they walk down such streets. He has a good heart I think. I will focus on that aspect of his personhood and try to see good things in his music of choice.

We have new teas at work and I had to go to a staff meeting about it last night to learn all about them. The entire staff spent 5 minutes learning how to pronounce the name of the tea company we are now using. We're all a bunch of idiots, I think.

Bye

I will seriously pay someone money to graffiti over the Victoria's Secret banners by my work.

Last night I went to Myopic Books and cannot remember a time in recent memory when I have felt so intimidated and out-of-place. Why is that?

I also read a really good poem last night. I don't know what made it so good but I've read it about 10 times since the first, and I don't intend to stop at 10. I wrote an email to the author. I don't know how to compliment poetry because I don't get it. You tell me there's "nothing to get" but I don't believe you.

It smells good outside. Must be the rain. I don't remember rain having a smell in Seattle. Perhaps rain is just what Seattle smells like. But it doesn't smell like the rain here. Oh well. Uninteresting observation.

I made cake!

Going to work now for 9 hours. Work has gotten more enjoyable this week so I can't complain. I think I've learned to maneuver around the things that previously irritated me and cling on to the good stuff.

Barn's burnt down; now I can see the moon. I love that.